The Truth about Secrets
by DMarEssence
Summary: Remus realizes that he doesn’t have to hide anymore. Takes place during the Marauder's time at Hogwarts. Remus/OC


This is a short piece I wrote about my lover, Remus… haha, just kidding. Enjoy.

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"Is anyone there? James? S-Sirius? Remus? A-are you okay? I heard screaming and came to-" the shapes of the elk and black dog animagus were blurs in Alice's peripherals as the room seemed to grow colder and colder at the sight of the crouched boy before her shifting…

The wind blew in cold draughts threw the broken glass windows of the Shrieking Shack as she stood petrified, backed up against the curtain.

The creature before her was drooling menace in rivets and had that wild gleam of madness in his eyes that could only be found locked in the gaze of a werewolf stalking his prey.

The worst part of it was that she knew exactly who it was she was staring at. Her crush, her beloved friend and fellow Hogwarts student, Remus Lupin. If she got out of this alive, would she ever think of him the same way again? Would he ever think of her the same?

The last thing Alice thought before plunging down through the paper thin glass was that there was no way she should be in this situation right now.

_Why can't I get anything right? _She wondered as the snow drift thirty feet below her got closer and closer.

**~Earlier that day~**

"Remus Lupin! Why are you so on edge? Honestly. I've never seen anyone more… hello? Are you even listening to what I am saying?"

Alice knocked mockingly on the head of her friend as his quill twitched hesitantly on the parchment.

"See? You haven't even gotten to work on your essay! Two feet, due tomorrow! Better get started or you'll be sorry."

Spinning on her heel, Alice picked up her heavy Charms book that she'd been scanning and headed back towards the Gryffindor common room.

The sun had been low in the sky over the Black Lake when Alice descended the stairs through the Great Hall to dinner. It was then that she noticed Madam Pomfrey leading a very distressed sixth year student out through the doors of Hogwarts and onto the grounds, followed by an entourage of his friends; the notorious Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew.

"Curiosity killed the cat you knew," Alice mumbled to herself, pulling her school robes tighter as she scurried after the group. When she got outside however, she found herself puzzled.

No one was to be found. Only the stately Whomping Willow was in sight and it looked rather… chilly in the crisp air of midwinter in Great Britain.

_So cold in fact, it's frozen._

Hanging out with the famous Hogwarts Marauders, however, had taught this very intelligent, slightly plain looking girl a lesson about observation. Always take advantage of an opportunity.

Rushing towards the hidden entrance beneath the tree, Alice couldn't have imagined what awaited her on the other side.

**~Present~**

The snow seemed to clog every orifice of Alice's body as the breath sped out of her and the world became an unclear place. A nasty, vicious howl alerted her that she was not alone and without even thinking panic screeched like a cacophony through her veins.

It wasn't, however, until she tried to escape did she notice the large piece of glass protruding from her thigh.

"I-I… can't get up," she whispered, reaching out towards the forest as darkness closed in around her.

*

"I think she's coming around," a voice whispered, the tone high and obnoxious to Alice's sensitive, pre-conscious mind.

"I'm trying to sleep here," she told it, rolling over on her side. The pain struck her like a mallet in the leg as she felt several stinging cuts twinge at the stretching of skin.

"What the bloody fu- Sirius! What're you doing here?" she croaked, straightening her leg and trying to sit up.

"We've been waiting here all night. Some scare you gave us when you fell down the, er, stairs," the suave sixth year Gryffindor coughed as James Potter entered the room suddenly.

"Ally! I'm glad you decided to join the land of the living once more. Gave Remus quite a fright-"

"Remus! Is he okay? I was in the Shrieking Shack, and you were there, but you were a deer, and Sirius was a dog, and Remus was a… and then I fell through a window into the snow-"

"Just listen to the poor girl! She's delirious!" Sirius chided, laying a hand on Alice's mattress and patting it gently. "St. Mungo's doesn't need _more _crazy people Ally-"

"But I'm not crazy! I'm just… sleepy." With that, Alice's head fell against the pillow and her blue eyes closed, much to Sirius's and James' relief.

"I thought we'd never get her calmed down. Thank god for your quick thinking, otherwise Remus' cover would've been blown!" James sighed exasperated, laying the white lilies he'd procured from Hogsmeade down by his friend's bed.

"Poor girl. Doesn't even remember what happened…"

"Mum's the word Padfoot, mum's the word."

*

"I'm glad I'm out of that smelly old hospital room," Alice chirped with relief, glad that she could once more be out and about on the beautiful Hogwarts campus.

"Me too," he said softly as they rounded the corner into the library.

Remus Lupin was acting even more uncomfortable and awkward than normal. Ever since she'd been injured, he'd scarcely left her side for a moment.

"Remus, what's gotten into you? You used to be able to tell me anything, and now-"

Alice didn't see him close the distance between them, but his strong hands cupped her face and pulled her so that his lips could press down on hers with the proper intensity and affection. It was at this distance that the recent scars on his face became distinguishable, and as she reached up to touch them, the kiss became more intense.

Ally didn't mind snogging here, considering hardly anyone wanted to take Arithmacy, but she needed air.

"Remus, I-"

"Shh, no talking in the library," he kidded, stroking her pink, flushed lips with his thumb before leaving her to her studies.

Once more, the crude abruptness did nothing to assuage Alice's suspicions. Instead, she decided to go to the forefront of her dream and confront her so called 'delusions,' with or without her friend's help.

*

Using a little known passage to escape to Hogsmeade one Saturday, Alice found herself climbing over the forbidden barbed wire and towards the dark haunted house on the hill that instilled fear in the hearts of every first year student in the village.

"This was much easier in my dream," she muttered, trudging up the snow-laden hills and toward her destination. There she found what she was looking for.

The broken glass littered the ground, and she saw the snow stained pink from where she'd fallen. The drapes above in the Shack were blowing out the newly opened window and Alice found herself in shock.

_But surely… they ALL wouldn't lie to me! Even that runt Peter? Even Remus?_

It was then that she accessed a memory that she'd found rather fuzzy since she'd fallen unconscious…

"_Sirius! Go get the professors! I'll hold Moony off as long as I can!" The elk shook his horns threateningly at the werewolf, his friend, who for some reason had gone crazy at Alice's arrival. Her scent had stirred back the wild animal he'd fought so hard to tame all these years. _

"_Alice, Alice, oh god, Alice," Peter squeaked, running around in the snow, not being of use in either of his forms, rat or human. _

_Not long after, Alice had felt strong arms envelope her, and worried voices clouded her own thoughts. _

"_How can I even live with myself? I've killed her," Remus stuttered, gripping his bloody, scarred hands as he watched them cart her off to the Hospital Wing. _

"_Hey, there was nothing we could've done. She followed us because she was worried, worried about you, mate," Sirius explained, wrapping his arm around his trembling fellow marauder in comfort. _

"_Yeah, she'll come around and forget the whole thing, I'm sure of it," James reassured, getting up and motioning for them to give Remus and his girl some space. _

_The image of her falling out those windows, down that whole way to the snow felt like an eternity of suffering for Remus, who lived with the torment and possibility of hurting her every month. _

"_Why'd you pick me, Alice?" he pondered shamefully, covering her cold hands gently with his and placing a chaste, lasting kiss on her still lips. _

"_I'll never hurt you again, I promise." _

_*_

**~The Following Day~**

Now she was faced with a most pressing decision. Confront them, or live a lie.

"Look, Ally… I'm sorry about yesterday," Remus began, walking beside her down the hall.

"You're sorry? As in, you didn't mean to?" Alice was a little hurt. Why couldn't boys just say what they mean?

"No! No, that's not what I meant. I _meant_…" Remus cleared his throat and attempted to loosen his Gryffindor neck tie as though it was stifling his speech. Ally was truly listening, however, this current predicament had her most preoccupied.

"I meant that you're the first girl I ever liked. _Really _liked, and I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Then she remembered the elk and the dog, James and Sirius… and she found herself a new solution.

"Hey Ally, we've got potions next, are you ready?" James called out, waving his hand and indicating she should hurry up.

"Sorry, I've got something I have to do first." Her blonde hair whizzed down the halls as she ran from Remus's side and headed in the other direction.

*

"This is going to take a lot of hard work, Ms. Shea, and I expect your whole-hearted effort. No skimping off, no slouching, no neglecting your other studies-"

"Yes professor!" she all but begged to get the young professor McGonagall to teach her to transform herself into something smaller, more graceful that could be present in the face of anything… like a werewolf.

"So, I was thinking along the lines of a badger or-"

"Ms Shea! It is _far _too early in your training to even consider the form you'll take. For right now, you must master self alterations until I am sufficiently satisfied. Then, and _only _then will we consider your animagus form."

To this, Alice only nodded. This was going to be a long and tricky road.

…_but if those blundering pickle-heads Black and Potter can do it, so can I!_

*

"Where have you been the last few weeks, Ally? We've hardly seen you at all!" James whined as the four marauders flanked the mysterious girl who'd eluded them thus far.

"Catching up on some studies. Not that it's any of your business," she quipped, hoping to throw them off her tail. If they knew where she'd been… they might wonder why, and that would be a whole other can of worms she didn't want opened.

"Ally, can I talk to you for a bit?" Remus began, giving Sirius a shove out of the way so he could stand beside her.

"We don't mind," James interrupted, sticking his head over Remus' shoulder.

"Nope. Go right ahead," Sirius added. Both gave Remus and Alice curious looks as if they should have their conversation right then and there.

"-in private."

Once the troublemakers had vacated, including Peter who hadn't said a word the whole time anyway, Remus took Alice aside.

"Are you… angry with me? I mean, I know you never really liked James and Sirius, but is there something I did?" his questioning brown eyes made Alice's heart quake. She didn't want to lie to him… but _he _was the one who was keeping secrets.

"No, it's not that. I've just been studying extra hard for my N.E., that's all," she lied quickly, smiling through her clenched jaws. Remus hardly seemed convinced, but he nodded.

"You used to be able to tell me anything," Remus said quietly, mimicking Alice's own words and tone from just a little while ago.

Alice quirked her head at the comment. It irked her to know that he wanted full disclosure, but refused to reciprocate.

"Well, once you fess up, then I'll let you know what's eating me? Sound like a deal?" she challenged, noticing Remus' face change from confused to impassive.

"I told you _I'm _fine." He crossed his arms and waited for her response.

"And I'm telling you _I'm _fine." She was not pleased with him, but she was hardly angry. However, she refused to divulge anything further until he came clean.

"Don't be like this Ally-" he began weakly, hoping she'd back down from her irritated stint.

"Why are _you _being like this Remus? You're the most honest, kindest, best friend I know, but why are you lying to me now?" She wasn't going to take this from him. Spinning on her heel, Alice headed back towards the Gryffindor common room.

"I'm _not _lying," he muttered, barely loud enough for her to hear. Alice stopped dead in her tracks. Anger raged behind her blue eyes as she turned to face him, anger evident in her voice.

"There! You see? You're lying again! You… you… Coward!" she hissed, staring pointedly in his direction. Remus hardly reacted. Alice gritted her teeth and shrugged, as the steam that had been building to this climactic scene suddenly failed her. A torrent of emotions raged inside her as she stood before her object of affection.

"Is that what you really think then? Fine," he deadpanned, brushing past her and holding the Gryffindor portrait opened for her. She jumped through the portal before anything more could be said.

After the confrontation, Alice sat in her room, biting her lip and trying to quell the guilty feelings that rose up from the pit of her stomach.

_I care for him so deeply! Why can't I ever show it? _She looked longingly out the window from her dormitory over the Black Lake and rested her chin in her hands.

_It's not fair! How come Sirius and James… and even __**Peter **__know, but not me? _Alice sighed and flopped down on the covers of her bed, praying that sleep would slip through the cracks of her dizzying thoughts.

*

**~Three Weeks Later~**

"It's nearly the end of the year, and you haven't talked to her for weeks! Come on, mate! She couldn't have done anything all bad," James nudged Remus as he walked down the hallway, grumbling about the upcoming N.E.W.T exams.

"Yeah, not to mention you don't look so good," Sirius interjected, narrowing his eyes at his friend's greenish pallor.

"I'm _fine,_" Remus huffed, catching himself after he said those words. The exact words that he'd said to Alice after she'd asked him what was wrong… and he had clearly _not _been fine.

"You know it's only two days until-"

"I know alright! Just leave me alone!"

With that, Remus left the two remaining marauders to ponder over their fellow's strange behavior.

In truth, he hadn't stopped thinking about Alice for a single day since their fight. He noticed the way she stared after him when he left the dining hall, but still, he refused to patch up the relationship. Something always held him back. It was her and her secrets… him and his secrets. They would always keep them apart.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Remus jumped at the sound of a soft, familiar voice appearing behind him.

"Sure," he responded surprised, nodding as she led him around the corner to a deserted classroom on the fourth floor.

"I hate this," she confessed, wringing her hands as he stood before her, trying to pretend like he was in denial of his true feelings. He couldn't hold a straight face for too long though.

"Me too," he obliged, watching as she sat down next to him on the dusty, abandoned desks.

"I realize I've been totally pig-headed… but I have a surprise for you."

Remus blinked as she stood up, biting her lip anxiously. It was funny how that simple action drew his eyes to her mouth. Her soft, pink mouth.

Taking in a deep breath, Alice found herself concentrating on her animagus form, and slowly, but surely, she morphed before Remus.

All he could do was stare in shock. Instead of a woman before him, a furry, young lynx lay poised on the ground, wagging its stubby tail and blinking its round, deep cat eyes.

"Alice…" he breathed as she shifted back, sweat forming on her brow as the transformation sapped her strength.

"But why?" Remus stuttered after a moment, his brown gaze locking with her blue, quivering one.

"You know why."

In that second, all the world seemed to stop for the two in the abandoned fourth story classroom. The wind blew Alice's blonde hair into her face as tears formed at the corners of her eyes.

"I love you… and I don't want you to be alone," she whispered, her voice failing as he stood up abruptly, taking her in his arms and holding her tight.

Her name was the only thing that managed to escape past his lips as he embraced her.

She had know ever since that day what he was… and yet, she wasn't afraid.

"I'm sorry I kept it from you. I'm sorry I lied," he spoke quietly, as if the moment would break if he made his words known.

His hand cupped the back of her neck as he leaned into her lips, smoothing gently over them with his own. Her hands found their way to his shoulders, then the back of his neck as she felt his body move closer to hers.

The warmth of his embrace made all her previous fears, worries, sorrows and angers towards him melt away as he kissed her again and again, laying her small frame down on top of one of the desks and climbing on top to meet her.

Her hands never left his body as he shifted her beneath him. She allowed his tongue to slip into her mouth, stroking hers until she moaned softly at his wandering touch that traveled lower and lower down her body until she gasped.

Under the intense, passionate heat of their touches, Remus suddenly broke away, leaving Alice bereft… but somehow satisfied at the same time.

"I love you," he whispered as he locked gazes with her. His breathing slowed as he sat up, bringing Alice gently into a loving embrace. She said nothing as he stroked her hair, holding her head against his chest, afraid that if he let her leave, than he would wake up from this crazy, beautiful, wonderful dream he was having.

"I'll never leave you Remus," she murmured back moving away from him, taking his hand in hers and leading him out of the classroom.

*

"What do you suppose they were doing in there?" Sirius hissed at James as they waited outside the classroom for their fellow marauder. They were surprised however when Alice emerged with their friend.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" James quipped back, gesturing for Sirius to follow him away from the two lovebirds.

*

Lame ending, I know, but at least there's a little closure. I had this whole idea for an elaborate story that was multiple chapters, but if you know me, I have commitment issues, which is why it took me like, five months to write this. REVIEW!

~DMar


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